


In Abundance

by DalishGrey



Series: Can't Help But Wonder [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Anger Management, Angst, Broken Promises, Cliffhangers, Distractions, Drabble, Dreams and Nightmares, Earthborn (Mass Effect), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family, Feels, Fluff, Guilty Pleasures, Hurt No Comfort, Ilos, M/M, Mass Effect 1, Mass Effect 2, Mass Effect 3, Mass Effect 3: Citadel, Multi, Orders, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-Virmire, Promises, Random & Short, Self Prompt, Shakarian - Freeform, Smut, Survivor Guilt, Tears, Virmire, intimate, sfw, shega, shelenko, shuttles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-05-10 20:32:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 7,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5599867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DalishGrey/pseuds/DalishGrey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of drabble and prompts (of varying lengths) :)<br/>hope you enjoy!!<br/>Please feel free to leave any C & C (if you want, I don't mind) :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Abundance of Prompts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A series of prompted drabble of varying lengths :)  
> I hope you enjoy
> 
> Please leave some c & c (if you're inclined to, I don't mind really :) )

**1 - (Current page)**

 

**2 - Distractions**

 

**3- Promises**

 

**4  - Endure**

 

 **5-** **You Wouldn't Understand**

 

**6 - From the Edge of The Void**

 

**7 - A First Time for Everything**

 

**8 - Solitude**

 

**9 - Beautiful**


	2. Distractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He DID have something to do. Esteban had told him "get in the shuttle and-" that was where he had no idea...as soon as she walked in, he knew it was all going to go to shit.

It flickered. The screen was right in front of him, but she wouldn't stop. The soft hum of the Normandy's engine, joined by his approving yet _mildly_ protesting grunts.

Perched on his lap, she pressed soft kisses to his lightly stubbled jaw; her fingers brushing through the short hair on the back of his neck.

He reached around her, trying to do...something. There were buttons...and sliding _pieces_...and he just couldn't remember what the fuck he was meant to be doing.

They were in the cargo bay. In a shuttle. He knew _that_ much.

She shifted on his lap, drawing a sharp breath from between his parted lips, as she rubbed against his now evident erection. His arms wrapped at her waist and hips, pulling her flush against his sculpted chest.

"You should have said you wanted me Lola, you know I'm all to happy to oblige...when I'm not working." He smiled briefly as she turned to look at him, lips nearly brushing.

Parted lips. Bated breaths. She looked at him through lidded eyes.

She moved a leg to either side of his, running both of her hands through his hair. He could feel the shiver his pleased groan sent up her spine, as his hands braved the venture beneath the back of her shirt. Her skin was soft, which always surprised him, she was made of bloody steel and yet felt like silk against his fingers. Shepard traced the strong line of his jaw with a single finger, golden brown eyes locking on her as she licked her lips hungrily. Reaching back, she pulled her shirt over her head, raven tendrils falling over her eyes and to her shoulders in a mass of unruly waves; his heart pounded. She shrugged off her sports bra and moved her lips to his neck, giving him the chance to appreciate the toned line of her spine and the _hot_ black tattoo that spread across her shoulders blades. With the press of a button, he sealed the doors. If something like _this_ was going to happen...they weren't going to be disturbed.

Open-mouth kisses trailed up the muscular column of his neck, eliciting a soft sigh and chuckle from the young marine. She took his lobe between her lips, grazing it softly with her teeth and soothing with a flick of her tongue, before whispering in the tone that balanced between commanding...and pleading.

"James...shut up."


	3. Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again. It happened again.  
> She had to choose. Him? or Her?  
> She hated herself...she always hated having to choose...having to choose who lived and who died...because war allowed it no other way...and Tessa knew this all too well.

She could feel his eyes on her. Waiting. Silently judging.

"Well, _Commander_?" he growled.

She wanted to hit him. To beat the crap out of him. To hate every fibre of his being.

But she couldn't. It wasn't his fault...and she...

Her eyes met his for mere moments and her voice fought the tremble that made her lips softly quiver.

"I had to make a choice...I chose you"

His intense gaze softened at the implication of her words and she knew it sounded absurd. The one thing she promised herself she would never do again...and she did it...and as usual, she lost someone. Still she stared at the floor, following the intricate lines of the grating, trying to distract herself from the self-inflicted thoughts that bombarded her at every turn.

She didn't want to look up and see the disappointment in his eyes. She couldn't bare it.

A faint drumming tugged at her ears and she could see Liara's concerned stare. She followed the path of her eyes and glanced down to her hand, her eyes widened as it shook. Clasping her one hand around her trembling wrist, she looked up to her people; harsh, commanding...but she didn't want them to think she was weak. _She's not allowed to be weak._

"All of you, dismissed" she barked, trying to contain the self-loathing snarl that threatened to make an appearance.

Liara cast her a sympathetic smile as she left, there was no love lost (over Ash's death) to the Asari, but she felt Shepard's pain. There was a connection between them both now, no matter how subtle and Liara could pick up on most things.

Everyone left in silence and she was glad for it, idle chatter wouldn't help to calm her in the slightest. She adored her team, but that's what made it so hard. There was no guarantee any of them were getting out of there alive...and she didn't want to be the reason why.

Ignoring all calls, she went to her chambers. Cursing the lack of slammable doors as she flopped onto her bed, roaring into her pillow as tears stung at her eyes.

_'You did it again....you fucking did it again?!'_

She swung a leg, kicking the chair at her desk, across the room. Tess didn't give a shit about the throbbing of her shin as it collided with the metallic leg, she just watched the chair sweep through the air, propelled by her self-aimed rage. It clanged and clattered as it hit the far table.

Tess was pissed off. God she was so pissed off.

_' You did this! You fucking did this! You and your fucking shitty emotions!'_

She sobbed, pounding her fist into the dwindling fluff of her pillow. Rage. Loathing. She _hated_ herself. Again.... _again..._

_'First Adam...now this! Arggghhhhh!'_

Her scream was muted by the pillow as she let it all out; every bit of guilt, of hate, of resentment to the whole _fucking_ situation. Tessa's hand trembled again, shaking as she rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. Memories flooded into view and it was overwhelming...almost. The dim lights of her cabin flickered, off-white light danced across her face as she stared absent mindedly, trying to ignore every horrific image; every flash of melted faces, torn limbs strewn and cauterized by their own means of removal, Adam...as he clawed at the ground, screaming for her to run, ordering her to survive.

Her chest heaved with every quaking breath and she muttered a subtle prayer.

With her arms laying across her face, in an attempt to block out the light, she realised.

_'It was a choice...it's always a choice...before those in charge decide, those in question...choose...but Saren chose for us'_

She moved her hands from her face, eyes narrowed as she stared up at the ceiling. Her logic was strange, bizarre, but it made sense to her.

_'I WILL kill you Saren...even if I have to take you with me...that's a promise'_

 


	4. Endure

It was serene. Beautiful. But empty.

The expanse of space terrified her and strangely, that's why she loved the stars. For centuries stars had mapped out most of existence, dotting the blackened sky with pinpoints of light and inspiring awe and curiosity alike. The spaces between were what worried her. When they flew through the void, shrouded in darkness, with the light of the stars a distant vision, she'd see them. Blurred faces, mauled, melted. Charred corpses melting into the blacked grass.   
Piercing shrieks and agonised screams filled her ears as the images swam in her sight.

She shook the thought from her mind, casting out the unwanted memories. It was the past...it was better for everyone that it stayed there.

Voices murmured outside her door, hushed and adamant; she tilted an ear, curious.

 _"She may be too damaged"_ Udina stated, she would have been insulted if she didn't understand his logic.

_"She's strong and is exactly the sort of person we need on this"_

_'Hmm, Anderson, ever the flatterer'_ the corner of her lips quirked at the thought.

_"How can you be so sure? What happened on Akuze..."_

_"Would have broken most people, she endured and is one of the best because of it, if you want it done right, she's our woman"_ Anderson defended her, she could feel Udina's irritation through the door.

"Still-"

_"Regardless, it''s no longer up to us, Nihlus has requested her presence on the mission, it's out of our hands"_

She sighed, running her hands through her hair.

_'A Spectre? Well shit'_

Tess jumped to her feet, tugging her shirt and picking up her bag, packed and ready to go. That's the way her life was.

With a roll of her shoulders, she sauntered to the door. Emerald eyes torn away from the window, her heart steeled and hands stilled. She no longer trembled unwillingly, instead she longed for the  opportunities. The door slid aside, revealing the two men. Dark skin and brown eyes, both of them looked at her with surprise; the unmistakable gleam of distaste in Udina's eyes almost made her chuckle. Anderson looked at her with a mild pride, shaking his head as she wiggled her fingers in greeting to the Ambassador.

She threw her bag over her shoulder, smiling brightly at her C.O. and their ' _diplomatic companion'._

"So Anderson" her voice was firm, confident. Her smile reflected in her eyes as she blanked the frowning man on her left "when do we leave?"

 

 


	5. You Wouldn't Understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She did it. She ended the Collectors, destroyed their home-world and handed over the intel to the Alliance. But her victory felt hollow. Shackled and humiliated, her name tainted by her affiliation to Cerberus. She was misjudged, the worst assumed and now everyone looks at her with disapproval.

The disappointment in his eyes was heart-breaking.

_'Anderson...oh Anderson...'_

They clipped the cuffs around her wrists and pulled the hood over her head, shrouding her from public view and cutting her old friend from her sight. Something flew through the air, catching her jaw and making her lose her balance. She wobbled on weakened legs, her knees were moments away from buckling. Her head swam with agony, her sight blurred further amidst the darkness. She was guided through the corridors, her stomach churning with unadmitted fear.

Her heartbeat pounded in her ears as they sat her down on the cold chair. The hood was yanked from her head, almost jarring her neck. The light was bright, stinging her eyes as the room flooded into view. But she didn't flinch, her victory had been hollow and she couldn't give a shit what happened next.

The light dimmed and she wanted to lunge across the table. Grey hair, dark skin, a _secret_ smug grin tugging on thin lips. She looked at him through lidded eyes.

"Undina, to what do I owe the displeasure?" she smiled brightly.

"Commander Shepard, I knew I'd see you here eventually...it was only a matter of time before you got yourself into this mess" he cooed, ignoring her blatantly hateful tone. He sat opposite her, placing file after file upon the table.

"Get to the point Udina" she would at least _try_ to be respectful to the man, no matter how much his existence annoyed her.

 

*****

 

She wasn't sure how long passed, her head throbbing, her concussion not quite faded enough for her to concentrate. Tessa was pretty sure he asked a few questions more than once.

"Final question, why did you cooperate with Cerberus?" he asked calmly. There was a light in his eyes that made her feel sick to her stomach. He asked her the question again, looking for any deviation in her story.

"To stop the Collectors from abducting human colonies" her answer was clipped, she didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

"Ah yes, but was lowering yourself to that standard really necessary? After all, people are now viewing _you_ as a rogue Spectre, a woman who faked her own death so that she could discreetly align herself with Cerberus...your loyalty is being questioned by billions" his words cut at her like a talon blade, the hint of a smile on his lips made her furious. He was _enjoying_ this. She jumped to her feet, the cuffs cutting into her wrists.

"I died because the fucking Collectors blew up my ship! And I worked _with_ Cerberus because no one else seemed to give a fuck what was happening to the colonies! _Human_ colonies! So don't you dare preach to me about loyalty!" she shouted, glad for the restraints, beating the crap out of the ambassador probably wasn't the best way to prove herself. She sat back down, calming herself "I...my apologies, it hasn't been easy..." she sighed, her face softening. "Look, do I know that working with Cerberus was wrong? Yes, but I was never loyal to them! They had resources I needed, _I used them_." Anderson's expression became one of sympathy. He knew that she wouldn't have worked with them unless she felt she had no other choice. She was stubborn, but she wasn't an idiot.

Udina scowled, even he couldn't deny that the Alliance's inactivity looked bad. But maybe, just _maybe_ he could shift it all to Shepard.

"I see...and what of..." he searched the papers in front of him, fumbling in his determination "Kaidan Alenko? What was his involvement in it all?" her heart visibly broke and all her rage faded.

"He wasn't involved, we bumped into each other at one point, but I haven't seen him since" the look of anger on his face when they met on Horizon...God...she'd do anything to avoid that again...

She ran her hands through her hair, resting her head in her palms as she leaned on the table. Her eyes shone with held back tears.

"Anderson...I know you're there..." she sighed. He shifted uncomfortably behind the glass. "I know I have no right...but promise me, promise me I'll take the brunt of this...my crew, they were just following orders, if anyone is to be martyred, please...let it be me"

Hesitantly he pressed the small button, allowing him to answer. His voice was stern, but trembled softly.

"I'll do what I can"

Her smile was soft, hopeful. A single tear trickled down her muddied cheek.

"I...thank you"


	6. From the Edge of The Void

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She'd always thought about the day it would finally happen. No one gets to live twice, not without strings. Hers bound her to the Reapers, to space, to....everything...and one by one they were being cut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of emotional drabble :3  
> When writing this, I listened to an instrumental song called 'Jane's Lament' (found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7t3TS1JX2zY)
> 
> I've also done this one separately, as I might extend it :)
> 
>  
> 
> If you feel inclined to leave some C&C, I'd appreciate it :) (if not, no worries)
> 
> I hope you like it :3

It was beautiful. The flickering lights of thousands of ancient synthetics, casting themselves from existence at her command. One by one falling from sight.

The deep void consumed the sky above, each dot of light slowly fading.

The ground felt strangely soft beneath her, dirt and rubble churned into a sea of scorch and ash. Her fingers moved languidly through the blackened floor, grasping for the memory of how she escaped the Citadel.

_'Though I  alw_ _ays wanted to go to London'_. Her cracking lips quirked into a weakened smile. Eyes glassy with unshed tears.

She'd always thought about the day it would finally happen. No one gets to live twice, not without strings. Hers bound her to the Reapers, to space, to....everything...and one by one they were being cut.

People frantically scrambled, searching, crying, staring...the reality of it all hadn't yet sunk in.

_'We won'_

She would have sworn that she heard a distant voice call her name, but amidst the shrill ringing in her ears and the loud rumble of the ground beneath her, she couldn't hear much else.

The urge to move drained with every passing moment. Armour clinging to reddened skin. Hot. Burnt. Stinging with every twinge of her muscle, with every cool breeze that caressed the sensitive flesh. A soft moan fought to pass through her lips, but she didn't have the strength.

Her eyes closed and her chest heaved as she released a raspy breath.

A single tear trickle over her dirtied cheek, stinging her fresh burns as she glanced once more back up to the sky. The far off lights were now blurred, blending into the wide expanse above as her sight began to fade.

_'We've had a good run'_

Blurred faces entered her view, armour glinting softly in the dim light of near-by fires. Their voices were almost muted, a distant call from the closest of friends.

_"You've got to save her dammit!"_

Every breath had become heavy and weak.

This was it.

It was over.

_'We did it Anderson'_

_'We did it'_


	7. A First Time for Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They could never help a friendly challenge. But laid beneath it all were unspent urges and unwanted desires.  
> He'd watched her for months, since the day he'd first laid eyes on her in Vancouver and never imagined that one day, he'd get his chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of drabble for James and Tessa :) I love this pairing (especially with a bit of Kaidan thrown in) 
> 
> I'd pondered how this would go and I decided to go for the more gutsy James approach, but...shy James might make an appearance later (if I can write him haha)
> 
> If you enjoy it, please leave some C&C, if not, then I always welcome constructive crit :)
> 
> (I apologize in advance, I was ridiculously sleepy when I wrote this, so I'll be editing soon)

His eyes locked on her as they circled one another, a smile playing on her lips as she wrapped her hands with the long white strips.

"You sure you wanna dance Lola?" he chuckled deeply "I was worried I would have scared you off after the last time"

"You mean when I kicked your ass? That was a _good_ day" she winked in reply.

"Ohh, low blow Lola." He feigned hurt, his brow quirked as she giggled, making him realise her trail of thought. It was enough of a distraction.

She lunged at him, making him draw back and nearly stumble. She chuckled and ducked as he swung an arm, following quickly with a swipe of his leg. Tess jumped back, narrowly avoiding his move, before dropping and meeting the backs of his knees with her shin. He fell forward, but managed to stabilize himself before he hit the floor.

"What's wrong Jimmy, getting slow in your old age?" Tessa smiled, following with a wink as he rolled his eyes "oh what's wrong? a low blow?" she wiggled her eyebrows.

He jabbed in succession, with her almost unable to evade his punches. It went on for a while, each as skilled as the other until one finally got the upper hand.

Her eyes involuntarily followed the ripple of trained muscle along his torso and arms, there was no harm in looking, _right_?

He noticed her line of sight and he almost couldn't breathe, there was an appreciation in her eyes as they roamed over him and suddenly, for the first time since he met her, he felt self-conscious. Leading to him making one final mistake..

She ran at him full-force, jumped into the air and wrapped her legs at his waist. She threw herself back, taking him with her, with a clear idea of what should happen in her mind.

It didn't work.

"Shit!" she squealed loudly.

They hit the floor with a dull thud. Her chest heaved with every winded breath, a laugh hanging on her lips. His own laugh was deep, a soft thundering sound that rumbled through his chest.

"I do believe that means you're beat, Lola"

"Well played," she chuckled, staring up at the bulky marine. "I'd appreciate if you didn't tell anyone I just got my ass handed to me...I have a reputation to uphold." She winked "though, technically, I just kicked my _own_ ass..."

Her voice caught in her throat at the sight of the delicious pink tint that spread across his cheeks. His lips lay parted and he stared wide-eyed at the woman beneath him. She laughed softly and nervously, she was a sight, leaning up on her elbows with her top askew and her hair in a controlled mess; he couldn't help his stare.

His gaze was uncharacteristic and completely disarming. He'd realised he was laid between her legs, his hips flush against hers, his thigh pressed to her centre. She could barely breathe.

"Commander?" his voice was quiet. His nerves were surprising. Amber eyes looked from hers to her lips.

"Mm hmm?" she drew her lip between her teeth, sucking it softly. Slowly he lowered himself closer, a quaking breath brushing against her cheek.

"Permission to do something...potentially stupid?" his voice was almost a whisper, breathy tones of nervousness and yearning.

"Granted...as always" her chest heaved in anticipation. "I actually encourage i-" She gasped sharply as his lips met hers. Damp. Warm. Parting as he slid his tongue against hers, moving in slow, languid circles. Her body melted into the floor as she felt the heat of his body press against her. He pulled back, his chest heaved with every heavy breath. Her cheeks were pink, her breaths were quick and silent, tendrils of raven hair lay loosened from their tie and a sense of realization dawned over them both.

"Shit, sorry Lola, I-" he started, rubbing the back of his neck and stroking his lightly stubbled jaw.

She followed the line of his jaw, across to the line of his surprisingly plump, parted lips.

She wanted it. Him. _Everything_.

_'Fuck it'_

"Shut up James," she laughed breathlessly, taking his head in her hands, she pulled him forward, claiming his lips with her own as her resolve faded away. He groaned softly as he leaned back on his knees, slowly pulling her with him until she straddle his legs. She smiled against his lips, each kiss was slow, treasured. A contrast to their first a few minutes ago. His hands rested at her hips, but slowly they roamed, a nervous caress to accompany their kiss. Long fingers slid beneath the black fabric of her top, exploring the feel of her skin, the soft dip of muscle that lined her spine, the gentle ridges of her shoulder blades.

He couldn't believe this was happening. _She_ was in his lap, rosy cheeked and heavy breathed as her body moved against his in slow, unsure motions. Her tongue circled his with a gentle, nervous yet craving caress; the passion she fought and worked with was mirrored in the bright pools of her eyes.

Her fingers trailed up the defined muscle of his back, until they softly brushed over the short, dark hair at the back of his neck.

She shifted slightly and moved her legs from the sides of his, tired of her knees rubbing against the hard metal of the floor. She sat with her legs wrapped around him and he gasped sharply as she pressed against what he wished he could hide.

Her breath caught in her throat and for a moment they simply sat there, forehead to forehead, lips hovering inches apart as their chests heaved with anticipating breaths.

"So...that happened" he chuckled, as he thread his fingers through her hair. Her eyes closed as she tilted into his palm. He'd wanted this for so long... _she'd_ wanted this for so long.

With her lip drawn between her teeth, she looked at him with an affection that made him melt. He yearned her closer, unable to resist the lure of her lips and with a smile, she sealed it.

"About time"


	8. Solitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was hard. Living through as much as 'the' Commander Shepard. Most looked at her and saw a strong woman, a young veteran. But they never saw her scars, they never saw her jolt awake from a nightmare, they never saw her hands tremble as she held a rifle.
> 
> She missed the hum of the engine, the creak of the grate beneath her feet.  
> But now, she simply craved solitude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little prompt I've been working on :) it's a bit rough, but hopefully it goes down well ^.^
> 
> If you like it, please drop a comment. If you don't, I welcome constructive criticism with open arms :)

The rain came down in a steady, light pour, pattering softly on the concrete path and blurring the grey skyline. A cold contrast to the heat searing through her veins.

It helped. To feel the solidity of the ground beneath her feet was something she never thought she'd appreciate. Though there were times were she couldn't eat or sleep unless the subtle hum of the Normandy's engine filled the silence, or if the metal grate of the walk way didn't support her every move. She missed space. She missed gliding through the void, encouraged by the distant light of unfound stars.

But she couldn't cope.

Not after last time.

Her nightmares had been so vivid...so  _consuming,_ that she'd forgotten she was aboard the Normandy and tried to escape. _Through the airlock._ That was the first time she'd walked in her sleep.

Kaidan had found her, clawing at the dull metal. Seeking an escape. She hadn't realized she'd done it until she awoke in his arms. He was staring down at her, his cheeks stained with tears as he held her to his chest, whispering small words of encouragement.

" _It's okay Tess, it's okay, shhh_ "

  
Now, whenever her nightmares kept her void of sleep, she'd go for a run in the city. She'd relish in the harsh reminder, as she ran along side skyscrapers and beneath the torn blanket of grey. Clouds enveloped the expanse overhead and rain soothed her scars, it was so different to how she'd lived before it all.

Yet despite the strife, she could be happy. She woke up every morning, greeted by the smile of her husband, the warmth of his arms around her as she stirred from the rarity of a good night's sleep. It wasn't all so dire. There were simply times when she needed to ground herself, to remind herself that it was over and that she could be happy now, that she had the chance to live a normal life.

She ran with ease, each step leaving a light, dull thud in its wake. The shroud of her navy blue hood focused her sight on the path in front of her; cancelling out the occasional glances of passing onlookers.

  
"Is that her?" she heard someone whisper.  
  
She became conscious of herself, wondering what gave it away. Was it the scars that wrapped around her partially exposed leg? Did they see her face?  
  
"Nah, Shepard was with the Councillors last I heard"

_'Hmm, or not'_

Shepard picked up pace, letting her legs carry her down the street and wherever they wanted to go.

The wind hit her face with stunted caress, lightly gracing her cheeks with a cold kiss. It was what she needed. To feel the wind on her face as she gradually sped up. People and buildings passed in a slow blur, as the soft lyric-less music filled her ears.

She turned on to English Bay, carrying herself confidently yet discreetly. She slid to a stop as the orb-like bot appeared in front of her, a familiar face stood beside it.

"Commander?"

She side stepped, trying to avoid the reporter. The woman reached out, grabbing Tessa by the wrist.

 _'Argh!'_ she screamed internally, the bruise on her wrist was still sensitive. Without showing her face, she pulled away and ran. Hoping that they didn't actually recognise her. She could hear the faint whirring of the camera behind her, searching, following. It was her motivation, pushing her forward and stirring her yearning for home. Her surroundings passed in a fleeting blur as she sprinted, vaulted and leaped, avoiding the obstacles that appeared in her way, as she strove to escape the pursuing ' _invasion of privacy'_.

She rounded a corner and cast a glance behind, her sight flickered as the hovering cameras became a swarm of Seekers. Buzzing. Dangerous. Honed in on their target. The silver and white orbs now shone black, smooth edges replaced by jagged spikes that foretold a fear she thought she'd long overcome.

The Seeker swarms made her think of the Collector Ship, and as she ran, she saw the containers and the pods, the faces of Colonists as they were melted into a metallic gunk before her eyes. She felt the bile threaten to rise in her throat, it burned, leaving a bitter taste on her palate. Her eyes watered with unwanted tears.

_'Please! Just leave me alone! please...'_

She let out a frustrated cry and vaulted the concrete wall in front of her.

She tumbled and rolled as she crashed into the sand. With a groan she lifted her hand, letting the golden yellow grains run through her fingers. The deep rumble of churning waves soothed her, calmed her. The feel of the sand running through her grasp, brought her back. Quickly, she checked to make sure she'd lost her pursuers, with her back pressed to the concrete wall, she peered over the top.

_'All clear...thank god'_

She sighed deeply and moved further down the beach, walking in the general direction of her home. Tessa could see it up ahead, the cabin perched along the shoreline, the patch of grass that marked their space. It was a temporary place, soon they'd be leaving the city and moving to the orchard; which she didn't mind, so long as she could see the waves.

It was something she'd done since she was a child. Whenever she needed to escape Finch and the boys, when she needed to escape the fumes and the darkness, she'd looked to the horizon, yearning for the other side of the sea, to be swept away by the waves.  
But now she didn't want to be swept away, she just wanted to feel _safe_.

She stopped where she stood and dropped onto the sand, every muscle aching from the exertion. She kicked off her shoes and drove her feet into the sand, letting it slide between her wriggling toes. Tess felt better as it moved over her hands and feet.

With her hood down, she let the salt air brush against her skin as tendrils of raven hair blew in front of her softened eyes. She felt better. Content. Grounded.

Tess had no idea how long she'd been sat there, but if she was honest to herself, she didn't really care. With her eyes closed, she took a deep breath, letting the open air wash over her. The clouds overhead had begun to part, a single tear in the dark expanse, giving way for thin beams of golden light to shine down over the bay. 

Absent-mindedly, she trailed her fingers over the exposed skin of her shin, following the pattern of her scars as they disappeared beneath the black of her leggings. Despite the memory, her heart felt light in her chest and she felt like she could finally let it all go.

A soft voice broke her trail of thought, dragging her into the present.

"Tessa?" she looked across the see Kaidan jogging towards her, basket and bottle in hand, white t-shirt clinging to his torso, trousers and work shoes replaced by flip flops and 3/4s. A smile tugged at her lips when he came into view "I thought I'd find you here". His own smile was sympathetic as he dropped down beside her.

"Hey" she rested her head on his shoulder and smiled as he peppered kisses on her hair. "How _did_ you find me?" he always seemed to

"What can I say? I'm drawn to you" he stated and pressed a big kiss to her cheek.

"You soppy bugger" she chuckled, moving into his embrace and resting her head against his chest. He laughed and feigned insult, he held her close and began trailing small circles on her thigh.

"Honestly? I tracked your omnitool...I was worried about you" his arms tightened around her and she felt..safe. Her smile softened and she sunk further, letting his warmth consume her. "How are you feeling?" she could hear the concern in his voice and as she turned, she saw it in his eyes too.

"I feel better than I did earlier, like things might actually be okay " she rested her forehead against his and breathed in the smell of his cologne. He ran one hand through her hair, while the other caressed her cheek. It was soft, soothing and she couldn't help but tilt into his palm.

"I love you Tess" his rich brown eyes filled with emotion as he looked into hers, whilst softly trailing his thumb over her bottom lip. Her arms snaked around his neck, her fingers threaded through his hair and she smiled sweetly. He looked from her eyes to her lips, wondering whether or not he should. Sensing his hesitation, she pressed her lips to his. Soft. Sweet. She felt her body relax at the warmth from his lips.  
Slowly and reluctantly, she pulled away. Her eyes locked on his as he caressed her cheek, she pressed a gentle kiss to his palm.

"I love you too Kaidan"


	9. Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was terrified. It was a constant reminder of what she hoped to forget, but she lived with it, she bore with it....but only James and Kaidan made it any easier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a preview for a 'Normandy Swimsuit Calendar' fic I'm going to try...and it plays with a potential plot idea for Tessa's main fic line :)
> 
> Any feedback would be appreciated :)

She stared in the mirror, wide-eyed and ready to punch whoever walked through her door next. Zaeed's jaw had already fallen prey to her anger after he walked in, unannounced, and made a remark about her attire.

 

The bathing suit clung to her body like a second skin. Sleek. Ebony. All straps and low cuts. Apparently they wanted to flaunt what assets she had for the 'Normandy Swimsuit Calendar', though as far as she was concerned, an asset was an ally... _not_ her ass.

 

 _That_ wasn't what worried her.

 

Tessa hesitated for many reasons _,_  her eyes fixed on the floor-length bathrobe that hid her form. The white fabric slid from her shoulders and she exhaled deeply, a wavering breath passing through parted, red lips. She'd been happy with her body, every subtle curve, every dip and definition of her well-earned, feminine muscle. But then her eyes fell to her leg, skin meeting metal beneath her knee, the fluctuating azure glow of the amp port that let her channel her biotics there.

 

With a roll of her shoulders, an azure hue ripple down her body, making her prosthetic thrum with an energy that made her whole body tingle. She sighed and picked up her bathrobe, not particularly eager to reveal it to all. Those who had stayed by her side, were fully aware of her...addition, but she'd only _really_ shown it when training, the only times she'd been unable to resist the lure of some shorts or leggings.

 

Though Kaidan and James saw it more frequently. Their affection was a small comfort in a near-consuming world of insecurity. Granted it had gotten easier as the months went by, but there were moments when she saw Cerberus's permanent stamp.

 

Her deep red lips quirked into a smile, the more pleasant side of the memory flooding to mind. Tali had spent an hour sat on the floor, cross-legged with a 'paintbrush' in hand. She'd been delicate, humming behind her mask as she wore away the mark of the Illusive Man and replaced it with the symbol of the Spectre.

 

The door to her cabin slid open, jarring her from her nostalgia. She pulled the robe tight around her body, but relaxed when the young marine fell into sight.

 

"James! Hey." She smiled, playing with the bands on her shoulders, the 'sign' of her rank.

 

He sauntered closer, until she was within arm's reach. Once he was behind her, he rested his chin atop her head and smiled at their reflection.

 

"I know, I'm little," she chuckled, the urge to kiss him pulled at her lips.

 

" _El pequeño, pero perfecto_ ," he breathed, as he pressed a soft kiss to her hair. He drunk in the sight of the low hanging robe, his fingers slowly moving over the sleeves, brushing lightly against her neck. The robe slid to the floor with ease and as he held her tighter, she leaned back into his warming, assuring embrace. His breath was a sweet caress on the column of her neck as he took in every inch of her modestly, yet sexily, covered skin and the sleek silver of her leg.

 

She could feel his eyes roaming her reflection, appreciation in abundance. Her heart beat a little faster.

 

His voice was a low, husky whisper that made heat pool in the depths of her stomach and a smile tug on her lips. A single word from him was all it took to build her. 

 

"Beautiful."


	10. Good Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heated, passionate and everything she ever wanted.  
> Shepard has a hard time concentrating after a very long night with her new boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of Tumblr drabble that I decided to add to this XD  
> I was three-quarters asleep when I wrote this (I'm surprised I stayed away...)  
> These two are my weakness...<3

She sighed deeply and sunk against the kitchen counter, her finger trailing around the edge of her half-empty coffee cup. She felt as though she was melting in the warmth of her apartment, though she couldn’t put it solely down to the heating. The urge to simply melt into a crumpled heap on her kitchen floor and wallow in her inescapable infatuation with her fellow officer...bordered on overwhelming. 

Taut muscle. Amber eyes. The thought of his long, nimble fingers, kneading the flesh of her ass, made her knees weak. Her back pressed against the smooth, cold tiles of her bathroom wall, her legs wrapped around his firm, defined waist. His lips and teeth grazing the skin of her neck as his hips moved in steady, deep thrusts.

She pulled his lips to hers, relishing in the feeling of his skin beneath her fingers, damp and slick under the warmth of the shower. His stubble was just right, rough against her skin but in all the best ways. Heated, laboured breaths passing between them both as they reached…

“Hello?” She jolted from her daydream and the cup slipped from her grip. Before it could shatter, a wide, bronzed hand reached out and caught it, placing it on the counter with trained ease.

“Holy shit James!” She chuckled breathlessly, her cheeks flushed pink and she squirmed. Suddenly aware of her undress, the grey Alliance vest barely covering her thighs, and the heat pooling between her hips. Even more so when the Lieutenant’s presence properly set in, from the towel that hung loosely on his hips, to the damp, flattened tendrils of his short hair and the wink and lopsided grin he shot her way.

Her heart pounded in her chest

“Good morning to you too, _Lola._ ”


	11. Biotics and Bass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A drabble thingamajig I did on Tumblr XD (inspired when I was listening to 'This is What You Came For - Calvin Harris')

She lost herself in the beat, the heavy drumming of the bass pounding through the floorboards, sending subtle vibrations through every bone and pillar. James watched from the sidelines, his arms folded at his chest, his eyes trained on the Commander as she swayed from side to side. It was good to see her let her hair down, but as she moved back and forth to the steady rhythm, he found his heart beating just that little bit faster.  
  
The black dress clung to her body like a thick, second skin, stopping just shy of her knee. Her boots should have made her unsteady, but she glided with practised ease across the dancefloor.  
  
Her body moved with confidence, every roll of her shoulders and slow twist of her hips, drove him wild. The way she ran her hands through the thick, ebony waves of her hair, with her emerald eyes and bright smile trained on him…  
  
It was nothing short of _maddening_.  
  
As the pace slowed, her sun-kissed, ivory skin began to glow with the blue swirls of her lingering biotics. The azure patterns danced across her skin, jumping and swirling, matching the steady rhythm of her heartbeat.  
  
_‘Dios…’_  
  
He’d heard about her biotics in passing, about their strength, about their beauty and ferocity, but he’d never seen it for himself. He’d also heard about Commander T. Shepard, the N7 hardass, the Saviour of the Citadel, the First Human Spectre…but James had never imagined he’d be her body guard and best friend…and that one day, she’d stand with her hand out to his, asking him to dance.  
  
Of course he accepted hesitantly, but willingly…oh so willingly.  
  
Her bright smile became a smirk, but all mischievousness disappeared when her cheeks turned a gorgeous shade of pink.  
  
_‘She’s…embarrassed?’_  He wondered, but when he remembered the hand that held his, he felt her gentle tremble _‘not embarrassed…nervous?’_  
  
James couldn’t wrap his head around it. The Lieutenant stood stiffly, unsure as to just how comfortable he could be with the woman in his grasp.  
  
Her hand moved from his and she slid both of hers up over his shoulders, until they linked at the back of his neck. The blue glow of her biotics had begun to fade, but her touch made his skin ignite all the same. Long fingers brushed over the short hairs at the back of his neck and his whole body burst into flame, starting with his cheeks.  
  
She glanced from his eye, to his lips and back. Her tongue quickly darting out to wet her bottom lip.  
  
“Trust me?” Tessa asked, her voice almost overwhelmed by the melodies that were growing louder and louder. The look in her eyes was completely disarming and he felt himself melt just a little bit more. She chuckled softly, jarring him from his trail of thought. Tessa lifted on to her toes, her breath brushing his ear as her arms tightened around his neck. “You are allowed to touch me, you know?“  
  
The silken quality of her voice caressed his senses. His answering laugh was drowned out by the music.  
  
"Yes ma'am.” James smiled, his hands cautiously sliding to her waist. Her small frame looked perfect in the grip of his large hands.  
  
“Tessa.”  
  
His gaze dropped as she stepped away slightly, her arms still around his neck, her fingers absent-mindedly caressing the sensitive skin there.  
  
“What?”

She blushed brightly and buried her face in the crook of his neck, her nervous smile against his skin. He knew they’d gotten close…and he’d tried to hold her at arms length, telling her the flirting was empty, but he couldn’t deny the pull he felt towards her.  
  
“For tonight, just call me Tessa…” She answered, her head still pressed against his neck.  
  
_‘Tessa?’_ It strangely suited her, but whenever he’d read Commander T.Shepard, he never imagined it being _Tessa_ Shepard.  
  
“I think I can manage that, _Tessa_.”  
  
Her body relaxed against his as she sighed with relief.  
  
“Thank you…James.”


	12. Serene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She dives. She waits. She embraces the water and let's it calm her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A brief little, rough drabble, inspired by an anime I was watching XD it's not my best, but I like the image haha XD

She curled her toes on the edge of the diving board. Her chest rose and fell with even, steady breaths. The insignia of the N7 displayed proudly on her swimsuit.  

Her eyes closed and she stretched her arms above her head. Tessa's heartbeat pattered softly and the world seemed to fall into silence. 

 _3..._  
  
_2..._

_1..._

She pushed off with as much strength as she could muster, her body gliding through the air with ease as she twisted and turned, before straightening and diving head first into the pale blue expanse. The stinging was brief, instantly soothed by the cool, crisp nature of the water. She moved fluidly, at one with her environment.  

_Calm._

_Serene._

That's how she felt, enveloped by the water, caressed by it, embraced by it.  

Light flickered in the water, peeking through in beams of gold, white and blue.  

She turned to look up at the light, it was fractured...beautiful amidst the gentle ripple that spread across the water's surface. She didn't swim to the top though, she remained submerged, her eyes slowly closing as she let her body relax, gradually falling into the depths. There was no panic, no fear, just...contentment. 

A shadow fluttered above and while she wished she could stay in the water, she rose, her legs and arms moving with practiced, trained ease. 

"Shepard!" A muffled voice called, seeming to belong to the shadow at the pool's edge. 

She broke the water's surface, gasping for air. The water made long, ebony tendrils of her hair cling to her face, framing her smile as she beamed up at her instructor. 

"Good morning Anderson."


	13. All That She Surveys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She stood atop the precipice and watched as the whole world seeped into peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't cry while writing/imagining this...  
> .>  
> (Feel free to post a comment or con-crit :) I'm always eager to learn and improve! I hope you like it!)

Calm.

Blue skies flowed in perpetual, smooth motions. Clouds drifted across the serene expanse and graced Earth's sky with elegant patterns of white and grey. They swirled around her, waving their unspoken farewells.

A gentle breeze caressed her cheek and ran it's unseen fingers through the thick, auburn layers of her hair.  
She breathed deeply, relishing in the satisfaction that came with it. There was no pain when she breathed now, just...calm.

Her eyes wandered over the scene below. The scattered masses of people that scrambled to find one another, the stragglers and strays that cried tears of unhindered joy as they held each other in their battered arms. People cheered and sobbed in the streets as the last dots of distant synthetic lights vanished from the sky. She could see James and Kaidan clamber into each others embrace, brows furrowed, armour dented, eyes filled with tears.

 _‘They have each other now...’_ she smiled sadly to herself.

Peace.

She sighed unreservedly and wriggled her toes in the grass beneath her bare feet. The precipice upon which she stood. Separated from everything.

“ _Shepard?_ ” The familiar voice touched her senses and pulled at the strings of her heart. “ _It's time to go._ ”

She turned to face him. His dark eyes were filled with youth and his soft smile warmed her heart.

‘ _Anderson..._ ’

“ _I don't think I'm ready..._ ” she answered, her emerald eyes glazed with tears. Jane looked back at the scene laid at her feet, the view now changed. _Earth_. Azure oceans roared in melancholic triumph, specks of faded light lay scattered across the stretches of tainted, green land and the whole world seemed to hum in gratitude.

_'Safe...'_

He pulled her into his embrace and pressed a gentle kiss to her hair.

“ _We never are._ ”


End file.
